SKILL NUMBER 10: WORKING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

THE BOOK OF MANAGEMENT

THE TEN ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR ACHIEVING HIGH PERFORMANCE

SKILL NUMBER 10: WORKING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE (pg. 622 - 689)

 

The skill of an effective manager is also measured by how well they work with the difficult people in their team.  A difficult employee can have a negative impact on the performance of the entire group. When faced with difficult people, most managers throw up their hands in despair and attribute the problem to their aggravating personality.  When working with difficult people:

• Manage the relationship
• Engaging in productive dialogue
• Negotiating a working solution

People are often difficult because you allow them to be so.  You cannot change people, but you can influence their behavior by engaging and working with them.  When dealing with difficult person you must also learn to uncover and to articulate the root causes.  The key is to recognize that the behavior is a symptom that usually has an underlying emotional cause.  So, when a person exhibits difficult behavior, try to understand what fear, concern, or need is driving it.

Difficult people can draw you into playing their confrontational ‘game’ without you even realizing it.  When they raise their voice, you raise yours; when they assert demands, you assert counter-demands; and when they threaten you, you threaten them back.  Difficult people like to engage in confrontation rather than collaboration.  They engage in a battle of wills with the intent of dominating you.  Resist the urge to be defensive.  Acquire diplomacy and authenticity tactics to work better with difficult people.

Listening is the heart of effective communication.  Listening work two (20 ways:

• Being a good listener
• Being effectively listened to

Attentive listening includes the skills:

1. Paraphrasing (allows them to clarify misunderstandings and letting them know that you have understood)
2. Clarifying (able to uncover missing information)
3. Observing (able to look out for any inconsistency between what is being said and the non-verbal cues.

Blaming and confrontation is not the way to deal with difficult person.  In a work relationship, trust is essential.  Trust is achieved by what and how we communicate.  Communicate with authenticity, and avoid vague and ambiguous language.  When faced with strong emotions, people tend to ignore them and hope that it will go away.  When a person loses control of their emotions, they may say things that they will regret later and lose their credibility.  Some useful technique to control yourself:

·         Detach yourself from the situation and become an objective observer

·         Regain control over your emotion

·         Silence

·         Resist the urge to respond immediately

Most communication today takes place through e-mail and SMSs.  It is fast and efficient but it also creates opportunities for misunderstandings.  Messages may be misinterpreted as being terse, irate, sarcastic, or impatient due to absence of visual cues.

The key to creating a successful working relationship is the ability to deal with differences.  Imposing wills seldom produces results.  Knowing how to negotiate effectively will certainly help cultivate strong working relationships, even with difficult workers.  When negotiating with difficult person, do not use authority to make demands.  Try using collaboration and solutions.

In a workplace, both the professional and personal needs of the employees must be considered.  Working with difficult people will almost frequently give rise to conflict situation.  Occasionally you might be faced with a stubborn person.  Internal competition has also been known to exist within the organization which can raise conflicts.  Conflict cannot be negotiated until the problem is being clearly defined.  Sometimes the parties in conflict dig in their heels over their situation, thus impasse will develop rapidly.  Impasse is reached when people are inflexible.  Impasse can also be reached when solutions are proposed too early.

When confronted with dishonesty, you might feel betrayed, angry, anxious, and even disappointed.  You may feel confuse as to whether or confront or to ignore it.  Dishonesty need to be addressed constructively.

Managing difficult person can be a very taxing and frustrating experience.  At times, when other people appear to be difficult, you will find that if you examine yourself, it is really you who is being difficult.  The other person is merely reacting to your negative attitudes.  There are some general positive attitudes that managers need to possess and demonstrate in order to improve the management attitude:

• A sense of humor is important
• Remember not to take yourself seriously
• Take interest in the personal lives of your employees
• Provide encouragement when your employees are finding things difficult
• Be honest, transparent and ethical

Effectiveness as a manager is measured by how the motivated people are being managed, and how difficult people are being handled.  The common difficult behaviors encountered are:

Antagonist	·         Always blame others for failures ·         Seldom take responsibility for their own actions
Defeatist	·         The perpetual pessimist in the group ·         They will throw up their arms and cry out that it will never work whenever an idea is presented
Rambler	·         Brings group productivity to a halt with their endless monologues

Short notes from:

THE BOOK OF MANAGEMENT

The Ten Essential Skills For Achieving High Performance

Darling Kindersley Limited (DKL), Penguin Group (UK)