Boundaries

SHARED FROM:
Star2, Wednesday, 25 September 2013
Teens & Tweens by Charis Patrick
DRAWING THE LINES

Boundaries are one personal property lines.  They are how you define yourself; say who you are and who you are not, set limits and establish consequences if people attempt to control you.  Boundaries help to clarify what people are and are not responsible for in life.  When parents tell teens the truth, set limits, establish curfews, confront misbehaviour, and do a host of other things, they are providing a structure and help teens and tweens develop one.

Few examples of teens and tweens who lack boundaries:

1. Walking right into parents’ bedroom whenever without knocking.
2. Changing TV channels whenever without considering is anyone else is watching.
3. Blaming others for own mistakes whenever something does not go right.

Possible consequences due to lack of boundaries:

1. Can have controlling behaviour
2. Can be motivated by guilt or anger
3. More likely to be influenced by peers
4. Don’t own their own behaviour or consequences which can lead to life of turmoil
5. May allow others to think for them
6. May allow someone else to define the life
7. Pick up others’ feelings
8. May make it hard to tell where we end and another person begins

Few suggestions to help set boundaries:

1. Recognize and respect teens and tweens boundaries
2. Set own boundaries and have consequences for crossing them
3. Avoid controlling teens and tweens
4. Give two choices
5. Teach teens and tweens boundaries

Models for teens and tweens towards building healthy boundaries

1. Recognize own physical boundaries and personal space
2. Request for proper treatment such ask others to smoke away from your space
3. Share opinions.  Allow them to express opinions
4. Teach on how to decide on choices you make
5. Own up and take responsibility for when things go wrong
6. Accept your thoughts
7. Discover own limits; emotion and physical

Boundaries are not restriction.  Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed.  Setting boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves.  Boundaries give us framework in which to negotiate life’s event.  Boundaries lead to winning relationships for both parties.