Friendship is based on feelings of right-ness

SHARED FROM:
StarMetro, Wednesday, 9 October 2013
Sight & Sounds by Xandra Ooi
RIGHT OR WRONG

There are people with such a strong sense of self that they are largely unaffected by what anybody says.  Many of us however, rarely develop such a deep sense of surety without some form of validation, however small.

To be told that we are wrong, especially as an adult, is to question our beliefs, values and principles.  It is extremely difficult to see another person’s point of view when we are angry, and most of the time, we do not want to empathise because we think the person’s mind-set and behaviour is ‘wrong’ and we do not want to be wrongly influenced.

Friendship, interestingly, are based on feelings of right-ness.  We like being with people who reaffirm our values.  Friends who behave or think in a way that is incongruent with our beliefs are friends whom we slowly disassociate with.  Friendship may be priceless; but they are apparently also easily dispensable.  When our friends behave in a manner that we deem inconsiderate, unreasonable or selfish, it is much easier to leave that friend behind than to try fixing it.  Sometimes without even realising it, we star to play the blame game.

The only way to get past the feeling of frustration and discontentment is simply to change the way we think and behave,  change sounds like an arduous task, when in fact sometimes, changing the way we think is simply putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes.

At the very core of it, the feeling of righteousness comes from fear.  Many times, it is our own insecurities and fears that hold us back from who we know we can be.  We may not like what we find when we look within, but at least we won’t go through life playing the blame game and feeling like a victim.