Short Notes From:
DEALING WITH PEOLE YOU
CAN’T STAND
How to bring out the best in people at their worst
Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner
McGraw-Hill, Inc
(226 pages)
The Tank
The tank is focused on end result
and impatiently pushes ahead. The tank
may rip people apart personally, but ironically, it’s nothing personal. The attack is simply a means to an end
results. To the tank, the end justifies
the means. The three (3) typical emotional
responses when being attacked by the tank are:
- Counterattack
- Defensive / explain / justify
- Shut down
When someone becomes a tank
Command respect
Actions:
- Hold your ground
- Interrupt the attack
- Quickly backtrack the main point
- Aim for the bottom line and fire
- Peace with honor
When you stand accused
Your character is
being tested
You may not win every
battle
But you can win more
respect
It takes a lot of
courage to admit a mistake and learn from it
The Sniper
Some people snipe when they are
angry, as a way of undermining those who interfered with their plan, and they want
to get some attention. Not all snipping
is meant to kill. There are such things
as the relative innocent, attention-getting, playful snipe.
In reality, not everyone like
sarcasm or has the ability to laugh at a well-aimed put-down, no matter how
friendly it seemed. The target may be
smiling while bleeding on the inside. Sniping
may be a symptom of insecurity.
When someone becomes a sniper
Bring the sniper out of hiding
Actions:
- Stop, look, backtrack
- Use searchlight questions
- Use tank strategy
- Go on a grievance patrol
- Suggest a civil future
The Know-it-all
Know-it-alls are knowledgeable and
extremely competent people, highly assertive and outspoken in their
viewpoints. They can be very controlling
with low tolerance for correction and contradiction. New ideas or alternatives approaches are
perceived as a challenge regardless of the merit.
The Know-it-alls believe that to be
wrong is to be humiliated. So, in facing
the Know-it-all, you must:
- Overcome the temptation to become a Know-it-all yourself
- Overcome the temptation to resent them to get a second opinion
- Retain yourself to be flexible, patient, and be very clever on how ideas are presented
Dealing with Know-it-alls requires
extreme patience. Think before
speaking. Let Know-it-all know that they
are recognize as an expert and this way they will more likely to assist rather
than obstructing. Consequently, more of
your idea and information will be heard.
When someone becomes know-it-all
Open the person’s mind to new ideas
Actions:
- Be prepared and know your stuff
- Backtrack respectfully
- Blend with doubts and desires
- Present your views indirectly
- Turn the know-it-all into a mentor
The Think-they-know-it-all
This type is usually resulted from
the desire to get appreciation. The Think-they-know-it-alls
are assertive and push their way into conversations. They have a strong people focus. Their unique ability is that they know how to
learn just enough about a subject to sound conversant in it. They are addicted to exaggeration.
Losing face, appearing cool, or being
labeled a liar is an insecurity shared by many people. Try to see the frightened and insecure child
within the Think-they-know-it-all. Compassion
is one of the attitudes used effectively with them. The other is patience.
When someone becomes a think-they-know-it-all
Give the person’s bad ideas the hook
Actions:
- Give the person a little attention
- Clarify for specifics
- Tell it like it is
- Give the person a break
- Break the cycle
The Grenade
A person becomes the grenade when
their effort to get appreciation is thwarted by another’s indifference. The two most common reactions to the grenade
after they explode are:
- Blow up the grenade for blowing up
- Quickly withdraw and hate the grenade from a safe distance
Both reactions are based on
disgust and sometimes fear. Learn to
look up at the grenade in a different way.
Take control of the situation when the grenade starts to lose it.
When someone becomes a grenade
Take control of the situation
Actions:
- Get the person’s attention
- Aim for the heart
- Reduce intensity
- Time-off for good behavior
- Grenade prevention
The Yes Person
The yes person is nice people. They hope all works out wonderfully. They don’t want to offend anyone, even people
they are angry with.
When someone becomes a yes person
Get commitment you can count on
Actions:
- Make it safe to be honest
- Talk honesty
- Help the person learn to plan
- Ensure commitment
- Strengthen the relationship
The Maybe Person
Decisive people know that every decision
has an upside and a downside. The maybe
person can’t see their way clear to the best decision because the downside of
each option blinds them. They procrastinate
and put off decisions, hoping an even better choice will present itself. Some may become irritate with indecisive
people. It is completely understandable and
completely ineffective.
When someone becomes a maybe person
Help the person learn to thing
decisively
Actions:
- Establish a comfort zone
- Surface conflicts, clarifying options
- Use a decision-making system
- Reassure, then ensure follow-through
- Strengthen relationship
The Nothing Person
The noting person is passive, but
can be task focused or people focused. We
all have those moments when we bite our lips and say nothing. Everybody knows if you don’t have something
nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
Silence can be a kind of aggression kept under wraps.
When someone becomes a nothing person
Persuade the nothing person to talk
Actions:
- Plan enough time
- Ask open-ended questions expectantly
- Lighten it up
- Guess
- Show the future
The No person
The no person is a task focused
individual motivated by the intent to get it right by avoiding mistakes. They find the negatives in everyone and
everything else. Some no person puts considerable
energy into grumbling aloud. No person
does not intentionally try to make everyone miserable.
When someone becomes a no person
Transition to problem solving
Actions:
- Go with the flow
- Use the person as a resource
- Leave the door open
- Go for the polarity response
- Acknowledge the person’s good intent
The Whiner
Most people with w problem do not
complain to the offending party. A little
whining on occasion can help unwind from stress. A whiner wallows in their worries and
woe. It has very little to do with
releasing stress. It goes on and
on. The whiner is the cousin of the
negative no person. Whiner usually
suffers from a severe inability to see what could and should be, see only what’s
wrong with what was and what is.
Form a problem solving alliance
Actions:
- Listen for the main points
- Interrupt and get specific
- Shift the focus to solutions
- Show the whiner the future
- Draw the line
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