ASSERTIVENESS: EFFECTIVE AND PROBLEM SOLVING-FOCUSED

 

Assertiveness is the ability to honestly express your opinions, feelings, attitudes, and rights, without undue anxiety, in a way that doesn’t infringe on the rights of others.  It’s a middle ground between being a bully and a doormat.  We were taught to accept that it is not nice to consider our own needs above those of others and we shouldn’t “make waves”.  If someone says or does something that we don’t like, we should just be quiet and even perhaps stay away from that person in the future.  All of this leads to “avoidant” behavior.  It does not help to communicate what we want or need clearly to others.

The assertive style often leads to honest, effective and problem solving-focused communication.  When being assertive, people will be more in control and fair to both parties. To be more assertive, individuals need to take small “risks” in their everyday conversations, or get out of their comfort zone from time-to-time.  Some will need to learn to “turn down the volume” on how we come across to others.  There exist the needs to learn to use tools and skills that will help to be more personally powerful and broadly assertive without alienating others or trampling on their rights.

There are four different communication styles:

1. Aggressive – wants to win at any cost
2. Passive – happy to lose so as to avoid conflict or keep the peace
3. Manipulative – quietly hostile or unhelpful
4. Assertive – looks for win/win outcomes for both communication parties

To be effectively assertive, both the process (the HOW of communication) and content (the WHAT to communicate) communication skills is needed.  The 5W/1H method can be use for preparation and anticipation in both process and content terms.

A common problem to become more assertive is the knowledge to do it in the right way.   Being more demanding or louder is not it.  Learn to use tools and practice being more assertive in a way that is palatable to others.  Find the right words, attitudes and behaviors to use in communicating more assertively.  3 elements of preparation:

• think through the message to communicate
• plan degree of flexibility
• Scripting some of the key wording to use in the interaction

 

SHARED FROM:

ASSERTIVENESS

May 17, 2012 by Dr. Jon Warner