FAVORITISM: IS IT FOR REAL?

 

Favoritism in simple term is the intentional or unintentional preferential treatment of an individual or group of persons.  It is commonly associated with a bond that develops between the child and the parent.

• ·         Favoritism is not always intentional.  Favoritism is rather the fondness established between a parent and a child.
• ·         Favoritism is not always a spoken language.  It can occur through our nonverbal actions.
• ·         Favoritism may be difficult for parents to avoid.  Most parents are unaware of its future effects.
• ·         Favoritism is not always recognized by the favoring person.
• ·         Favoritism is a learned behavior.  In a majority of cases, we favor or prefer particular foods, drinks, sport teams, musical genres, intellectual conversations, political environments, spiritual paradigms, and other life choices based on our parental guidance.

Attachment is the key in any relationship.  Attachment is the ability to show an emotional closeness, fondness, empathy, and familiarity to someone else.  It is a sensational approach to the reality that parents certainly have different relationships with their children, and often have unequal relationships with those children.  All parents’ relationships with all their children are all different. And all parents already know that.

Preferring one person to another is a reality in all human relationships.  Whether they are unconsciously unaware of their favoring, or simply living in a state of denial, such favoring does occur.  Studies show that parents are bound to play favorites among their children (unless you’re an only child.  Then you’re the favorite by default).  Mums and dads generally don’t have the same favorite child.  Many parents are actually experts in appearing neutral.

It is vitally important that parents seek to be fair and balanced in their approach to childrearing.  As parents, we need to be diligent in our parenting.  We should continuously seek to be and offer our very best in life.  Perceived favoritism from one's parent still matters to a child's psychological well-being, even if they have been living for years outside the parental home and have started families of their own.  The perception of unequal treatment has damaging effects for all siblings.

Many parents would deny the existence of favoritism to death.  But the subject is widely debated.  Of course we cannot love two children exactly “the same” for the obvious reason that no two children are the same, nor, indeed, are parent-child combinations the same.  Here’s the honest truth.  Some kids are harder to love than others.  Some are less gratifying, more challenging, less endearing, and more labor-intensive.

No matter what, the truth is that it’s up to each child to make him/herself the favorite and most loved one, regardless of their background or the difficulties they’ve been through.

Favoritism was expected of many.  It was and is obvious in governments that practice monarchial reigns.

 

Short notes from:

Ann Rasmussen, Favoritism: That Disavowed Parental Secret ; http://montclair.patch.com/groups/ann-rasmussen-psyds-blog/p/bp--favoritism-that-disavowed-parental-secret

Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., N.C.C.M., Child Favoritism; http://www.ccpa-accp.ca/blog/

Jeanna Bryner, Mom's Favoritism Stings, Even for Adults; http://www.livescience.com/8385-mom-favoritism-stings-adults.html

Lisa Belkin, Do ALL Parents Love One Child More?; http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/26/do-all-parents-love-on-child-more/

One Proud Otosan, The Science of Favoritism; http://oneproudotosan.blogspot.com/2011/10/science-of-favoritism.html

Patricia Barboza, The science of favouritism ; http://www.cristianecardoso.com/en/2013/08/07/the-science-of-favouritism/