Short Notes From:
EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES AT WORK
Dealing with Bosses and
Coworkers Who Brain You Dry
Albert J. Bernstein, PhD.
McGraw Hill Education
258 pages
ANTISOCIAL BULLIES
The
antisocial that most likely will give you trouble at work are:
·
Bullies
&
·
Con
artist.
Quite
a few of them have the charm it takes to get promoted way beyond their level of
competence. From above, they look greedy.
From below, it’s an entirely different
story.
Antisocial bullies are the most menacing of
the emotional vampires. The most
erotically skill needed to deal with emotional vampires is the ability to think
rather than react when subjected to emotional pressure. Bullies are hooked on excitement. Their drug of choice is intimidation. As bosses, they delight in making their
subordinates squirm.
Bullies
look for reasons to attack. The cause is
unimportant. They do it because it feels
good. Bullying antisocial bosses often
create fear and confusion in the crudest way possible with profanity, harsh teasing
and name calling. For other people,
angry cut, burst has a purpose, for antisocial bullies they are an end unto
themselves.
Your
first response in an emotional situation is usually your own habitual kind of
fast thinking. Often it plays right into
the vampire’s hands. In stressful
situations, your first idea is rarely your best. Some suggestion is:
·
Ask
for time
·
Repeat
asking for time if necessary (in emotional situations, before you say anything
else, ask for a moment to think)
·
Know
your goal
·
Maintain
control by asking question (ignoring attacks and asking questions)
Most
conflicts with bullies are really about dominance. Content hardly matters. Dominance is about hierarchies. Bullies get off on beating people down,
especially people who can’t fight back. To
the people above them in hierarchy, they are obsequious as they expect you to
be. The rule is simple and direct: the
boss gives the orders and the subordinates follow them.
We
have to listen to our superior, but they do not have to listen to us. This is one rule you just have to accept
without getting bent out the shape. Laughter at work has much more to do with who
is telling the joke than how funny it is. Bullies laugh at you. They never laugh at themselves.
Even
if your facts are incontrovertible, superiors, even if they aren’t Bullies,
will not be wrong. Whatever point you
have to make will be more effective if it is presented as a request for
information. In general the person
asking question is asserting dominance over the person answering them. Subordinates can request clarification, but
not justification. Make sure you know
the difference.
Most
of the conflicts you are likely to experience with emotional vampire bosses
begin as struggles for dominance.
To be continued…
Coming next: antisocial
con artist…
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