Sunday, April 10, 2016

2 EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES AT WORK: Types of Emotional Vampires

Short Notes From:
Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers Who Brain You Dry
Albert J. Bernstein, PhD.
McGraw Hill Education
258 pages

Types of Emotional Vampires
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Addicted to excitement
Loves parties
Want good time, a little action, lots of money and immediate gratification of their desire
The sexiest, the most exciting and the most fun to be around
People take to them easily and quickly
Provide moments of fun but they don’t have much to give back
Their dilemma:
they’re Ferraris in a world of Toyotas, built for speed and thrills
apt to be very disappointed if we expect them to be reliable or to tell the truth
offer an alternative reality tailored to what we want to believe
natural hypnotists
when communicating, everything they say is directed toward achieving an effect in the person who is listening
sees the people in their lives as a source of sustenance, but not having much of an existence beyond that
very good of discerning what feeds other peoples egos
skillful at picking up on hidden desires
Book cookers and con artists who lie for fun and profit, bullying bosses who love to see people cringe

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Live for attention and approval
Looking good is their specialty
Have what it takes to get hired
Dramatic; what we see is all a show, and definitely not what you get
Experts at hiding their own self-serving intentions even from themselves
Believe that they are wonderful people never do anything unacceptable, like making mistakes or having bad thought about anyone
Avoid conflict but excel at creating discord by ignoring problems
Attempt to manage by magic, believing that what they don’t pay attention to will just go away
Prefer to focus on what they consider to be big picture concepts
Motivation is their all-time favorite
Believe that motivation has nothing to do with external contingencies, it comes from the heart
Motivation is the magic that creates win-win situations for everyone all the time
Most likely present in mid-level management
Their infections optimism can even get them promoted
Manage to gain a great deal of control over the day-to-day operation
Promoted because they look like what every manager hopes to see and say what every manager wants to hear
2 distinct forms
Dramatic types who give the motivational talks
Passive aggressive who deal with conflict by pretending that it doesn’t exist
Never get angry, but somehow people always seem to get angry at them
Hate dealing with boring details
Always have good reason why they cannot follow the same rules as everyone else
Hunger for attention and approval

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Want to live out their grandiose fantasies of being the smartest, most talented and all around best other people in the world
Think of themselves as better than other people
Seldom do anything that isn’t self-serving
They need to win

Obsessive Compulsives
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Addicted to safety which they believe can be achieved through scrupulous attention to detail and complete control over anything
Watch us to see that we don’t go too far astray
We may not always like them but we need them
Take no joy in hurting others
Will hurt you and your feelings but they do feel compelled to state their opinion
Delay making decision
Delay in giving praise
Indulge in vices that masquerade as virtues
Micromanaging control freaks
To get them to lay off is to see their fear rather than your hurt and irritation

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Offer clarity in an ambiguous world
Actually do fire people or drive them to quit
Live by concrete rules
Sometimes they are right
Is the essence of charisma

To be continued……
Coming up next: protecting yourself

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