DENNIS INSPIRATION: 10. SHOW INTEREST AND CONCERN FOR OTHERS

Listening is different from hearing. And it is an essential part of communication.  Being a good and patient listener helps

·         Solve many problems

·         See the world through the eyes of others

·         Opening of understanding

·         Enhancing capacity for empathy

·         Learn a lot

One of the biggest obstacles to listening is to resist the impulse thoughts.  Stop talking and try to be silent.  Shelve your own opinion temporarily and let the person talk the situation out.  Do not interrupt with what you feel or think.  Abstain yourself from giving direct advice.

Good listening is also an essential part of being a good leader.  A leader must be very aware of the feedback received from people around them.  Poor listening habits are very common.  There is shallow listening and deep listening.  Most of us know how to give the appearance of listening where as we are not really listening.  We listened but we did m=not get the intended message.

There are three (3) basic listening modes, that is the combative, attentive and reflective.  There are a few attributes of good listening such as

·         Concentration

·         Attention

·         Eye-contact

·         Receptive body language

·         Empathy (not sympathy)

·         Leave the channel open

Remember

We only hear what we want to hear

And remember only part of what we heard

Good listening is actually hard work where we actually have to focus our attention on the words, ideas and feeling related to the subject.  People like to be around someone who listens well.  Listening requires focus.  It means paying attention and being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages.  Adults are found to spend an average of 70% of their time engaging in some sort of communication.  Out of this 70%:

45% is spent on listening

30 % on speaking

16% on reading

9% on writing

            (Source from Adler, et al. 2001)

We listen to obtain information, understand and learn.  We also listen for enjoyment.  We only remember between 25% - 50% of what we hear.  To be a better listener, you have to practice ‘active listening’.  To be an active listener, you need to apply the five (5) key alements of active listening:

·         Pay attention

·         Show that you are listening

·         Provide feedback

·         Defer judgment

·         Respond appropriately

You can make more friends in 2 months

By becoming interested in other people

Than you can in 2 years

By trying to get other people interested in you

(Dale Canegie)

It is not easy trying to be a good listener because they need to listen to what is being said and also to what is left unsaid or only partially said.  Listening requires concentration and the use of other senses in addition to hearing spoken words.  There are 10 principles of listening:

1.      Stop talking

2.      Prepare to listen

3.      Put the speaker at ease

4.      Remove distraction

5.      Empathise

6.      Be patient

7.      Avoid personal prejudice

8.      Listen to the tone

9.      Listen for idea (not just words)

10. Watch for non-verbal communication

One of the most sincere form of respect is

Actually listening to what another has to say

(Bryant H. McGill)

Most people do not listen with the intend to understand;

They listen with the intend to reply

(Stephen R Covey)

The word ‘listen’ contains the same letters as the word ‘silent’

(Alfred Brendel)