DEALAING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE - People's Behavior

SHORT NOTES FROM:

DEALING WITH PEOLE YOU CAN’T STAND

HOW TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE AT THEIR WORST

DR. RICK BRINKMAN AND DR. RICK KIRSCHNER

MCGRAW-HILL, INC

(226 PAGES)

PART 1

GETTING TO KNOW THE PEOPLE YOU CAN’T STAND.

 

The Road to Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

          People’s behavior will become more extreme and, less tolerable by others when what they want is not happening, or not happening at all.  Threatened or thwarted, positive intentions will lead to difficult behaviors.  The three (3) most difficult controlling behaviors are:

·         The Tank

-          Pushing and running over

-          Has no inhibition about ripping people apart personally, yet, it’s nothing personal.  The person just happened to get in the way

·         The Sniper

-           Attempts to control through embarrassment and humiliation

-          The fact that most people live in fear of public embarrassment, is used by snipers to their advantage

-          Making loaded statements and sarcastic comments

·         The Know-It-All

-           Doing the controlling by dominating the conversation with lengthy, imperious argument

-          Finding flaws and weakness to discredit others

 

          The three (3) behavior patterns when faced with perfectionist behavior will make them seen as more haphazard and careless:

·         The Whiner

-          Believes that they are powerless to create change

-          They focused on any problems that can be used as evidence for massive generalization

·         The No Persons

-           Becomes hopeless

-          Has no inhibition about letting others know how they feel

·         The Nothing Person

-           Go totally frustrated

-          With draw completely

          The three (3) most difficult approval seeking behaviors are:

·         The Nothing Person

-           Excel at tongue biting

-          Since they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say anything at all

-          Say nothing almost all the time

·         The Yes Person

-           Answers ‘yes’ to every request without thinking about what is being promised or the consequences

·         The Maybe Person

-           Avoid decisions because wrong choices might upset someone, or something could go wrong

-          Putting decision off, waffle and hedge until someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself

The three (3) most difficult attention setting behaviors are:

·         The Grenade

-           Feel don’t get any appreciation and respect

-          Adult temper tantrum

-          Most likely to blow up at the next provocation

·         The Sniper

-           The friendly sniper

-          Their sniping is a ‘fun way’ of getting attention

·         The Think-They-Know-It-All

-           Specialist in exaggeration, half-truths, jargon, useless advice and unsolicited opinions

-          Charismatic and enthusiastic

-          Desperate for attention

-          Can persuade and mislead and entire group of naive people

 

IMPORTANT POINTS

1.       When our intentions are thwarted, we may become some of the 10 difficult behavior people

2.       Everybody is somebody’s difficult person some of the time.  Some of the difficult behaviors that are sometimes engaged in

          -  whined

          -  complained

          -  become hopeless

          -  exaggerated a story

          -  withheld true feelings

          -  procrastinated a decision

          -  lost temper

          -  loudly accused

          -  withdrawn completely

3.       The difference between us and the difficult people is the degree and frequency

4.       These difficult behaviors are observable and changeable

5.       The behavior of the people we can’t stand is determined by their own perception of what they think is going on, and on what they think is important

6.       The results of our dealings with people at their worst is actually up to us