DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE: LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND

SHORT NOTES FROM:

DEALING WITH PEOLE YOU CAN’T STAND

HOW TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE AT THEIR WORST

DR. RICK BRINKMAN AND DR. RICK KIRSCHNER

MCGRAW-HILL, INC

(226 PAGES)

PART 2

SURVIVING THROUGH SKILLFUL COMMUNICATION

 

LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND

            People want to be heard and understood.  When people express themselves verbally, they want feedback that they have been heard and understood.  It would be wise to listen and understand first before attempting to be heard and understood.  Understanding occurs at two (2) levels:

-          Emotionally

-          Intellectually

            To effectively listening to understand difficult people’s feeling, you should do the following steps:

1.         Blend - Make sure people know that you are listening and understand.  Help the difficult person to completely express themselves.

2.         Backtrack - Repeating back some of the actual words that the other person is using will send a clear signal that you are listening and consider what they are saying to be important.  Words are symbols for experience.

3.         Clarify - Gather information about the meaning of the communication.  Ask questions when you are curious.  Clarification questions are open-ended questions that ask for more.  Beware that emotions can cloud the reasoning capabilities of people.

4.         Summarize what you’re heard - This is to ensure that you have had all the information and that you have demonstrated that serious effort is made to fully understand

5)         Confirm - Difficult person is satisfied that the problem has fully voiced.

 

When Your Problem People Is Talking

Your Goal Is Listen To Understand

The Action Plan Is

• Blend visibly and audibly
• Backtrack some of the person’s own words
• Clarify the meaning, intent, and criteria
• Summarize what you’re heard
• Confirm to find out if you got it right