DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE - Understanding difficult People

SHORT NOTES FROM:

DEALING WITH PEOLE YOU CAN’T STAND

HOW TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE AT THEIR WORST

DR. RICK BRINKMAN AND DR. RICK KIRSCHNER

MCGRAW-HILL, INC

(226 PAGES)

PART 1

GETTING TO KNOW THE PEOPLE YOU CAN’T STAND.

 

The Lens Of Understanding

         

          ‘Understanding’ will help you communicate effectively, prevent future conflict, and resolve current conflict.  Place the difficult person’s behavior under a magnifying glass, look through the lens, and closely examine the difficult behavior.

          Firstly, observed the level of assertiveness as you focus the lens of understanding on human behavior.  Then observe the extremes.  People respond to different situations with different levels of assertiveness.

 

Choices of word reflects

Task Focus	People Focus
Did you bring the report? Did you finish your chores? Did you have those figures?	How was your weekend How’s the family How are you feeling today? Did you see what I did?

          All people have the ability to engage in a wide range of behaviors observable through the lens.  There is always the zone of normal (best) behavior and exaggerated behavior.  Every behavior in a person has a purpose or intent.  People engaged in behaviors based on their intent.  Their actions are based on what seems to be most important at any given moment.  There are four (4) intents in an organizational framework for understanding and dealing with difficult behaviors:

o   Get the task done

o   Get the task right

o   Get along with people

o   Get appreciation from people

 

          It is important to find a balance between getting the task done and getting the task right; and between getting along with people and getting appreciation from people.  The desire to contribute to others and be appreciated is one of the most powerful motivational forces known.  To get it done, take care to get it done right.  To do it, avoid complications by making sure everyone is getting along.  For it to succeed, each party must feel valued and appreciated.  We all have the ability to operate in all the four (4) intents.  Thus, to communicate effectively with other people, we must have some understanding of what matters most to them.

          Through observation of behavior and listening to the communication patterns with the problem people, one can recognize the primary intent.  When people have the same priority, misunderstanding or conflict is highly unlikely.  But when people want to get it done and fear it is not getting done, their behavior naturally becomes more controlling as they try to take over and push ahead.

          It is the same when people want to get it right but fear it will be done wrong, their behavior becomes more that of perfectionistic, finding flaws and potential error.  And when people want to get along and they fear they will be left out, there behavior becomes more approval seeking, sacrificing to please others.  The same goes when people want to get appreciation and fear they are not being appreciated, their behavior becomes more attention getting, forcing others to notice them.

          These changed behaviors will be the beginning of a metamorphosis into people you can’t stand.  Suggestion is that when these changes in behavior are noticed, you should immediately focus on blending with that person.